Thursday, December 22, 2011

Unconditional Love

We've all been there. We've all done or said something that we are sure that our parents, relatives, friends, peers or someone looking in will never understand. I, myself have done a couple things that I'm not proud of but have learned a lesson from doing it. We are the ones who must live with the choices that we make. The rest of the world just has to either like it and be a part of it or not like it and move on.
My oldest daughter is pregnant with my first (not including steps) grandchild. I will admit that when I found out, I was more disappointed in her than I have ever been in her entire life. She married her first love and that only lasted just over a year, divorced him and ran straight into the arms of what I call a loser. That didn't work out so she ran again into the arms of another (in my opinion) loser and within 3 months of dating this one, became pregnant.
Let's clarify one thing. Katie has wanted to be a mother for longer than I can remember, probably since she was a little girl. She and her husband had two very sad miscarriages and no luck conceiving (even with the help of fertility doctors) which was most likely one of the things that led to the end of that relationship. It was very disheartening because they both wanted it very badly.
Anyway, fast forward to this relationship. Katie was over the moon when this pregnancy stuck and I believe that if the sperm would have been from Satan himself, she would have been happy. She now has a baby growing inside her which is the ONLY thing she has ever wanted. The cherry on top was the day she found out is was a girl. This family is accustomed to girls and that is really what she was hoping for down deep inside. We still love our Ryan and Layne, but us girls love girly things.
I dreamed of my girls finding the right man, who had a good job, settling down in a nice home and having families. This is not the case with Katie. She has a "baby daddy" who does drugs, has no job, no place to live, no consistent family life, no hopes and dreams, cheats on her, treats her like shit, and (in my opinion) nothing but a loser. Katie knows how I feel about it because I refuse to hide how I feel, but once you have said it out loud, there is no sense in going over and over it. She knows that it is what it is. I have also told her that if he ever decides to man up and get his act in order, we WILL give him the chance to be a part of this family. Only if and when he conforms to what society deems the normal way of life. Job/Home/Monogamy, etc. I'm pretty sure that she has been told all of this by everyone around her. As of right now, the BD (baby daddy) is not welcome anywhere near any of Katie's families for all of the same reasons.
 Katie is so in love with the thought of having a "family" that she will endure anything just to get to that. She is holding out for BD to straighten up when the baby is born. She knows all of his faults but she is hoping that when he sees what could be his only chance for a normal family life, he will make some changes. She will not give up until she gives him the chance to be a real Dad. She is planning on sticking it out until Lily (Liliana) gets here in early March. Until then, we need to let her do what she needs to do (and it's not going to be easy).
Last Sunday while we were at a family function, my other daughter received a text from another family member regarding a photo that BD posted on his Facebook page. It is a terrible photo that depicts him as the thug that we all believe he is which is probably exactly why he posted it. He has no love for any of us either. KATIE HAS NO CONTROL OVER WHAT BD PUTS ON HIS FACEBOOK. I believe that my daughter, disgusted as she was, made sure that an aunt on her Dad's side saw the photo. Keep in mind that my two daughters are having their own problems over the BD and have really gone from being close sisters to almost strangers. The aunt in question hasn't been close to Katie in a very long time and I might add that she is not the nicest or most forgiving person either.
Two nights ago, Katie received a phone call from her Dad. This would be the one man in her life who should love her no matter what. He doesn't have to like what she does, but he is supposed to love her anyways. Katie began screaming into the phone and before it was over, her Dad hung up on her. What I got from our end of the conversation was that:

1.  BD is dangerous and she should not be putting herself in harms way by being near him.
2.  BD smokes pot so she should not be around the 2nd hand smoke.
3.  BD probably carries pot in her car and she could go to jail if she gets stopped.
4.  He (her Dad) does not want to be a grandfather so she should consider giving this baby up (because it will never be safe around BD) or should have aborted it long ago.
5.  Katie is nothing but a disappointment to his whole family.
I believe this all started from gossip and a stuck up, nosy aunt. She has tried for years to be a mother to my daughters. She believes that she is perfect and knows more about my kids that I do. Well here you go you hypocritcal bitch: 
I love my children unconditionally. I may not like the circumstances, but they are my children. I have not needed their father in over 17 years and my girls do not need him or his family if this is how they are going to be. If that is the way they feel about this little baby that is about to come into our lives, they can choose to not be a part of her family. She IS coming. No matter what Katie chooses to do right now, it is her life and she is going to live it.
I sincerely hope that when Lily gets here, BD steps up to the plate for her sake. I really doubt it, but I will sit back and wait just the same. In the meantime, please everyone remember. Katie knows what is happening around her, she cries almost every day. She is a very special person in a very bad situation. She needs the same love and respect as anyone else and even more, she DESERVES it.
Mom ... I know we talked about this many times and she is making it day by day. She knows we talked about those things and realizes what is going on and that you really do love her. ILY

1 comment:

  1. Well said Amy...I may not agree with her decisions either but as her aunt on your side I will stand beside her and still love her no matter what. As far as Lily coming...I couldn't be more happy for her since this is what she has wanted forever. If the other side of the family chooses to shun her for bad choices then it will be their loss when little Lily shows up. No comment on her dad's words!


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